 |
| White Willow Reception Center |
I can say unequivocally that I was totally in love with the woman I was marrying. If future me would have visited me that day and told me what lay ahead of me I would have fallen to my knees and wept the bitter tears of remorse. It takes two people to participate in a marriage that disintegrates but I know my role in that was more significant than I knew at the time.
I ask myself if I would have followed through with the plans that day, and I think I would have. I would have because I would never have believed the future me. I would have because for me, there were some really great times that I would be a part of before it went south. If I had had the foresight to see into the future I think I could have averted the problems that became monumental enough as to become insurmountable.
Today I looked back with melancholy. I looked back and saw better times, and do so from the darkest period of my life. I done with that things had worked out now because I have accepted what life is. Still, part of me misses the time when I lived with a family and had my children in a home with me. It is with great lamentations I accept the years without them near. That, I can say with certainty, was not a choice that I had. If simmering I learned I must let go and accept as the reality it is.
You can’t go back you can never go back. I don’t see rainbows and unicorns in the days and months and years ahead. I see enduring because I have responsibilities to people I love more than the anguish I feel for the situation I am in.
That’s his I feel today. It’s how I felt yesterday. I’m sure tomorrow will be the same. It’s not pessimism. It’s acceptance.
